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Ace ventura; control

Posted on August 29, 2025 by cbain

When I was younger there was a period where I lived at my grandparents’ house (mom’s side) with my mother. I had two cousins that also lived there and at the house next door. My grandma and grandpa had a nice house, a big yard and there were always things to do.

We used to watch movies and play games. We used to take four-wheelers out and go riding and I used to skateboard with my younger cousin. We rode bikes and had a trampoline. My cousins had it made.

Immediately after watching Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, I started using the phrase “Holy Shiitake!” all the time. My mother warned me to stop saying it or I was going to get my mouth washed out with soap for cursing. I thought, that’s funny, I’m being very careful how I say it.

Wouldn’t you know it, one of the times I shouted it my mouth stopped moving at “Holy Shiit”. It was like a brain fart.

My mother dragged me into the kitchen in front of grandma, and they both performed the ritual of literally washing my mouth out with soap. It was liquid hand soap.

I couldn’t taste food for days, and I got sick.

But my mom and grandma will both go on about how this wasn’t child abuse.

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