My family has never had my back. They have always taken things from me though.
I didn’t have brothers initially; I had two cousins. I used to spend a lot of time at my grandma and uncle’s houses (both on my mom’s side).
I could tell very young that my mother treated me differently than other mothers treated their children. I used to ask a lot of questions. I wanted to know answers for everything. I was disciplined by my parents for asking too many questions.
Anytime I wanted to know the answer to something that I knew would help my parents grow and change they would just tell me “Because I said so”.
I learned very young that I had to hide things from my mother. Things that other kids didn’t have to hide from their parents.
Part of me wonder if my parents actually sold me as a kid. I was never allowed to tell my mother about being molested. If I said something today, she would claim I was making it up. Except, that’s something she does on a regular basis, not me.
It makes me sick to think, if it happened to me, how many other kids out there did it happen to.
When I was little, I was shopping at the drug store with my mother. I asked her if she could buy me a lock. She said we didn’t have the money for it and expected me to continue following her. I put the lock on the inside of my shirt and got it home. I was caught playing with it at my grandma’s (dad’s mom) and my mom took me back to the store with the lock. The owner of the store called the police. That was the first time I had a thug staring down at me threatening to take me away.
One day I remember my mom waking me up when I was really young. We drove to grandma’s house and stayed the night. I remember my mom carrying me, I remember riding in the car, and I remember sitting at the kitchen table at grandma’s house late at night.
My parents fought a lot. I remember being in school and just busted out crying in front of the whole class. A teacher pulled me aside one on one and asked me to tell her what was wrong. I told her that all my parents do is yell and scream at each other and it’s all over sex.
When my brothers were born, I started getting less. For the most part, I didn’t mind making the sacrifices. It bothered me that I never had any clothes that fit in middle and high school. I wore the same clothes over and over all the way through.